Week Five of the Apprentice saw the departure of the actually quite impressive Paloma and the incredible survival of two of the most useless candidates in living memory. Still, Alex is good comedy value and he did nail that promotional video (as he said about five times in the boardroom) so long may his reign continue.
Quote of the week – oh so many to choose from including Alex on retail theory (“It’s like creating a hive of honey”). But the double winner this week comes from a disturbingly pervy Jamie. Firstly, on dispensing fashion advice to Liz, “Better whip your bra off”, closely followed by his customer advice to “wear it with tights, or actually maybe nothing”.
Outfit of the week – screw the contestants, the ‘sci-fi’ fashion design girl and her face-filling purple specks wiped the floor and put Sue Pollard’s facial fashion distinctly into the Z list. Marks too for investment banker Chris’ colour co-ordinated handkerchief in the boardroom.
He’s Back! – after three weeks in the wilderness, TheBrand finally returned this week with a whole series of cracking one liners. The full-frontal selling may still not be there, but with lines like “Depends who’s died this week so they can get it out of the charity shop” on the merits of designer recycled clothing, he’s definitely on the radar again.
Persona non gratis – she has got a mouth after all! Sandeesh finally had to conjure up some words in the boardroom this week as she clung onto her wisp-like existence. Whatever you think of her ‘contribution’ (which includes ‘pricing strategy’ apparently – that’s writing numbers on labels to you and me), what has become clear is that she must have the world’s longest notebook. All she ever does on tasks is write, write, write. Can’t wait for the memoirs.
The Adam Smith award (part one) – from the Boy Brand, “how can you sell a piece of cotton that costs £2 for over a hundred quid? It’s like selling magic beans”. Erm, yes Stuart, see the words ‘Capitalism’ and ‘Emporio Armani’ in the dictionary.
The Adam Smith award (part two) – This little gem from investment banker Chris, “I don’t believe you haven’t got more than £40 in the bank to pay for that, maybe creep into the overdraft yeah?”. Erm right. Sub-prime crisis, collateralised debt obligations anyone? What was it the credit crunch was built on again? Oh yes that’s right, people being encouraged to take out sums of money far beyond their means. The post-recession world is clearly in safe hands…
The cliff-edge beckons – this year’s candidates really are exceptional at the art of setting themselves up for a fall. This week it was PR Man Alex’s turn with the devastating line “I’m something of a retail guru” and not only that but he’s apparently been taught by a retail ‘professor’. Do they even exist? Surely a professor of retail would hastily disdain the classic lab coat and glasses look wouldn’t they?
A note on Nick – there’s been too little of Nick Hewer so far this series, possibly because he’s still mourning the loss of Margaret to ancient Egypt. He made a return to form this week though, first with a couple of classic Hewer faces, such as when a student fashion model thrusted her overly tight dress in his face. And then second through his damnation for eternity of PR Alex with the conclusion that the retail guru can be “sometimes a bit over effusive, but he’s not totally irritating” – uh oh.
The culture award – “It feels like I’ve gone back a couple of years when I go to Manchester”. Way to offend the North Jamie, way to offend the North.
And finally – Is it because she’s blonde? In week two Stella was forced to don a bikini for the cause. Now in week five she’s in the shop window flaunting herself at customers. She’s still clearly at the top of the pack (though Liz is catching up fast), but her apparent willingness to play the pantomime horse is a tad worrying – “Amsterdam? Maybe. But not in Manchester”. Brilliant from Nick as ever.
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