A New Year's Resolution (in August)

Now let's be honest - how many people really carry out their Resolutions? For everyone out there now nodding sagely and proclaiming 'Well I did', then let me follow up that rather tame question with a second one - how long did it last?

How long was it before the monumental effort needed to heave yourself out of bed at 6:00 in the morning for that jogging session crumbled? Or the self-mutilation that was the effort to stay away from the ice cream section in Sainsbury's gave way to the simple, pleasurable desire for frozen sugar?

I know Resolutions don't work, because I'm one of the resolutors who's tried on many an occasion, and I can quite comfortably sit here today knowing I haven't done my 50 situps for the day, or been for that 3 mile run, or avoided the aforementioned ice cream shelf (or in my case the whisky shelf).

Worse still, I'm one of those devious buggers who pretends he's still somehow renewing the broken creed by constantly telling myself (and others) that I'll get back on it tomorrow, or next week. Even worse, I might make the same pledge again at 12:01 01/01/2xxx and thus fool myself (and all those brave, hardy believers in my struggle against the inevitable) all over again.

And so that brings me, neatly, onto this little column, quietly tucked away in a corner of a virtual world. This you see, was my Resolution for 01/01/2008. I was to begin writing a blog I proudly told all and sundry, I was to update it every day with a topic of my choice I proclaimed to the masses, and I was to share its cutting insights with the global community I declared to that very community (or at least to some bloke in a sweaty nightclub over a bottle of beer chipped by the adorable human concept of 'clinkies')

And now, here we are, August 31st, Oyster Card renewal day, and I can proudly say I've fulfilled my Resolution - not broken it you understand, because throughout the 200-and-something days between drinking Port from a plastic cup on Brunel's bridge, and sitting here, I've maintained the notion that I will, before the end of the year, begin to write.

So there-in lies the key you see - when it comes to Resolutions, don't be too ambitious, don't be too bold, and don't declare your new found will to do anything out of the ordinary. Instead, set a simple, attainable, non-cardiac arrest inducing goal, and (above all else I must stress), make it a goal that no-one will be able to use in future years as a hideous, hilarious reminder of your deflated, broken willpower to achieve such things.

Either that, or start celebrating New Year's in August.