The Apprentice Awards - Week Two

Sequels are never better than the original right? Well at least most of the time, except for Star Wars. Oh and the Godfather. And probably the Bourne Identity as well.

Likewise The Apprentice then. The first week is always a bit of a demolition derby but episode two usually gives you a much better idea of where we really stand. So with that in mind here are the awards for week two.

Week 2 Frontrunner – no contest here. Simply Stella. Anybody that can control that rabble of egos deserves a commendation. Marks also for Jamie who continues to ooze controlled intelligence, but watch that ego my son

On thin ice – pretty much all the girls but especially PM Laura. Boots the chemist says ‘We’d like an exclusive on your product’, Laura says ‘Hmm, you’re a huge retailer and bizarrely have shown interest in my utterly useless product, but I’m going to say No’

Update on the no shows – last week’s shapeless souls Christopher and Sandeesh stepped it up with at least 10 words per half hour each. Also, Palamo, it’s been two weeks love, open your mouth a little bit

Tears for Fears – again, Laura, who seemed permanently on the verge of emotional breakdown and finally cracked midway through the task. Then again she claims to have brought in £500k of business for her company so maybe tears are the post credit-crunch sales technique of choice

PR watch – my man Alex did moderately well brainstorming name ideas for the boys beach product. However my boy, please don’t approach strangers attempting to enjoy their miserably-weathered English holiday ever again – poor buggers.

Mountford’s face of the week – Karen Brady pulled off the first Margaret of the series during the ‘Book Off’ fight between Laura and Joanna. She’s still got quite a way to go with the facial expressions yet though. Please come back Margaret, please!

Quote of the week – “this doesn’t look slutty at all” smirked ‘investment banker’ (cough cough) Chris with a schoolboyish grin on his face after Stella explicitly told him ‘no’ to the bikini. Coming in a close second was Melissa’s declaration of ‘consumer happiness’ for all following the use of the kid’s collapsible dollhouse tent, sorry, er, BookEeze, it was called the BookEeze

Pitch of the week – It’s ‘Investment Banker’ Chris again. Apparently, successful pitching isn’t part of a business in which you depend on clients giving you money to do their work for them...Then again, working in a team for the best outcome for the client is clearly a bit alien as well – Chris, you were crap at pitching mate, just accept it

Outfit of the week – no, it wasn’t Stella’s beach outfit, but rather the surprisingly quiet Stuart Thebrand’s (Guardian TM) garish sunglasses as he stepped out of the taxi on day two – blink and you’ll miss them but they were brilliant, and his little diamond stud just topped it off

The ‘Oh why don’t they ever learn’ award – every year the candidates are always told ‘rehearse putting together your product’ and every year they sail ignorantly onward. In recent years we’ve had the hilarious efforts of a screw-on trampoline and a fold-up buggy, but I think the BookEeze balls-up in front of World Duty Free might just top it

The percentage factor – and finally, we all know 110% is common on the Apprentice but this week the stakes were upped dramatically. In amongst the girls’ cat fight to the death in the boardroom we heard this little gem from the otherwise mute Sandeesh “I’ve given 150% this week”

Tune in next week to see if we can break the 200% barrier