The virus, the toilet bowl and the bottle of whisky

I was off work ill on Monday this week. In fact I've generally been ill to varying degrees most of the rest of the week as well, but Monday was the real killer in terms of being unable to function.

Without wishing to boast, being ill isn't something that generally happens that often to me anymore. It wasn't always the case though - as a child I was pretty sickly really, and especially vulnerable to man's worst friend; the common cold (I think I averaged about one a month or something like that).

But over the past 5 years I can genuinely say I can count the number of times I've had to lie in bed ill on one hand. So to wake up on Friday night feeling a distinct need to plunge my head down the toilet bowl for a few minutes was pretty disconcerting. To then wake up on Monday morning feeling as though two rookie sumo wrestlers had held a training session on top of my stomach was equally distressing.

As people who know me well will testify, my general answer to even a hint of illness (particularly of the aforementioned 'cold' variety) is to 'get the whisky in' - truly it's brilliant for a sore throat no matter the hour.

Hence my very real problem with this particular bout of illness - alcohol was completely off the menu as a solution. In fact tonight's the first time I've had a drink for a week (I know, miracles and all that) and it does taste rather good I have to admit.

I'm still not completely right to be honest, and the general feeling is that I've had some sort of foody bug - the general feeling about the culprit is similarly unanimous, namely the unwise choice of kebab vendor at about 11:45 last Friday evening.

Given all this, I can offer roughly three lessons from the last week, at least one of which I hope might prove useful:

1. Having only one bona fide solution to the 'getting ill' problem isn't very smart. When whisky was ruled out of the equation, life became very tricky indeed.

2. Everyone should make an immediate policy of measuring the distance (and time needed) from their bedroom to the bathroom as this information may become critical to the cleanliness of your flat/house if ever you make a similar error in kebab cuisine that I did.

3. Generally speaking, illness is temporary, good health permanent (at least for 70 years or so). And for that, we really should all be thankful each and every day.